Student newspaper of Kirkwood High School.

The Kirkwood Call

Everything is Proposition A-OK

Everything is Proposition A-OK

Will Drury, copy editor
March 10 • 116 views
Filed under Blogs, The Parsnip, Uncategorized

*This blog is entirely satirical and not intended to offend our audience. After Proposition A failed to pass almost two years ago, KSD has seen a number of major changes as a result of a finite budget. Although it initially seemed like these changes were for the worse, after two years of adjustment, it’s...

The club has been shut down

The club has been shut down

Abby Geisz, copy editor
March 6 • 79 views
Filed under Entertainment, The Parsnip

I got the news on a Tuesday afternoon. My day was going well, and I had just gotten a drink from a water fountain and went back to my AP Lang class. I walked through the door and expected to see a class full of juniors quietly reading a book or writing an essay, but instead I was greeted with pure chaos. ...

Valentine’s Day victim

Valentine’s Day victim

Will Drury, copy editor
February 15 • 84 views
Filed under Blogs, The Parsnip

Bill Bury didn’t have a girlfriend this Valentines day. Instead of going out on a date, he stayed home, watched some Netflix and ate a box of chocolates he bought for himself. Does that make him a loser? Yes. Bill is part of the plague that has been wreaking havoc not just on Valentine's day,...

The student who ruined his future by not doing Chess Club

The student who ruined his future by not doing Chess Club

Will Drury, copy editor
February 13 • 240 views
Filed under Blogs, The Parsnip

*This blog is entirely satirical Being accepted into college has never been more challenging. Many students’ dreams of a higher education are never realized and they’re forced to spend the remainder of their meaningless lives working the night shift at McDonald’s until they die alone on the...

Eulogy for a friend

Eulogy for a friend

Will Drury, copy editor
February 9 • 95 views
Filed under Blogs, The Parsnip

He was supposed to make it. The odds were in his favor. All the laws of nature said it was possible. He was supposed to make it. But he didn’t. You can’t change the rules. They’re set. Once somebody is gone, they’re gone. Death isn’t a choice. It’s a command, and he was just following order...

Not the final test

Not the final test

Jack Rintoul, opinions writer
December 16 • 429 views
Filed under Columns, Opinions, The Parsnip

*This is a piece of satire* With finals season upon us, I thought it would be a perfect time to reflect on the greatest resume builder for students: test taking. Every year about this time students are overjoyed to begin two weeks of constant reviewing and examination. Although winter break is less...

Looking back on Ferguson

Looking back on Ferguson

Khalea Edwards, feature writer
November 26 • 153 views
Filed under Blogs, Stories

As I look back on August 2014, two thoughts rise in my mind: “Hands up, don’t shoot” and the body of 18-year-old Michael Brown resting in the middle of Canfield Drive for over four hours. Last September I was fortunate enough to attend the St. Louis Press Club conference “Ferguson: Reporting i...

Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton

Will Drury, copy editor
November 9 • 686 views
Filed under Columns, Opinions, The Parsnip

*This blog is entirely satirical Hello everybody! What’s the haps’ tonight? Is everyone here doing okie dokie? Alrighty then! I would first like to thank TKC for the gracious opportunity to speak with you. It was a nice offer, it was a kind gesture, and I am very happy. I had a speech prepared...

Donald Trump

Donald Trump

Will Drury, copy editor
November 9 • 466 views
Filed under Blogs, Columns, Opinions, The Parsnip

*This piece is entirely satirical China. Mexico. ISIS. These three countries are beating us, and we’re losing. Crooked Hillary over here may try to tell you America’s all good, but it’s not. Believe me, it’s bad. It’s a yuuuge problem. And if we want to make it better, then we need to mak...

OCD nightmare part 2

OCD nightmare part 2

Will Drury, copy editor
September 28 • 135 views
Filed under Photo Galleries, The Parsnip, Uncategorized

*This blog is entirely satirical We1come to he11 part two. 0h, I’m sorry, does it bother you that I’m using the number 1 instead of the 1etter “L”? 0r that the 1etter “O” at the beginning of these 1ast two sentences are really 0’s? We11 too bad. If you think that’s annoying, you mi...

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