Student newspaper of Kirkwood High School.

The Kirkwood Call

The deadliest hermit

The deadliest hermit

Will Drury, copy editor
May 17, 2017 • 195 views
Filed under Entertainment, The Parsnip, Top Stories

As the “Doors” say, people are strange. One minute they’re living peacefully in a log cabin in the middle of the Alaskan tundra, the next they’re sitting in prison for murdering an entire orphanage with a shard of broken glass. Nobody expected this from Tod Brigham, but then again, peopl...

Thank you letter for an ACT of kindness

Thank you letter for an ACT of kindness

Allie Hickenbotham, copy editor
April 28, 2017 • 218 views
Filed under Blogs, Opinions, The Parsnip, Top Stories

Emma Bjorkman This piece is entirely satirical*   Dear Everett Lindquist, I would like to say thank you. Thank you for inventing the exhilarating, memorable test known as the American College Testing Program (ACT). Thank you so much for this wonderful, joyous occasion we students have the privilege of enduring. I must say, the ACT is probably th...

The last pencil

The last pencil

Will Drury, copy editor
April 5, 2017 • 304 views
Filed under Blogs, Entertainment, The Parsnip

He started the year with a whopping 365 pencils, one for each day of the year, but now, as senior Moe Ron enters the final quarter, he is down to his last stub. Desperate not to become the annoying kid who always borrows pencils and never returns them, Ron is doing everything in his power to maintain a tigh...

KHS water fountain review guide

KHS water fountain review guide

Will Drury, copy editor
April 5, 2017 • 290 views
Filed under Blogs, Entertainment, Photo Galleries, The Parsnip

*This piece is entirely satirical. Well, it’s finally here. You’ve begged, pleaded and cried for it. You’ve prayed for its safe arrival. You’ve eaten nothing but parsnips the past year. It’s the reason for your wet dreams. It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for. The Parsnip of the...

Everything is Proposition A-OK

Everything is Proposition A-OK

Will Drury, copy editor
March 10, 2017 • 275 views
Filed under Blogs, The Parsnip, Uncategorized

*This blog is entirely satirical and not intended to offend our audience. After Proposition A failed to pass almost two years ago, KSD has seen a number of major changes as a result of a finite budget. Although it initially seemed like these changes were for the worse, after two years of adjustment, it’s...

The club has been shut down

The club has been shut down

Abby Geisz, copy editor
March 6, 2017 • 207 views
Filed under Entertainment, The Parsnip

I got the news on a Tuesday afternoon. My day was going well, and I had just gotten a drink from a water fountain and went back to my AP Lang class. I walked through the door and expected to see a class full of juniors quietly reading a book or writing an essay, but instead I was greeted with pure chaos. ...

Valentine’s Day victim

Valentine’s Day victim

Will Drury, copy editor
February 15, 2017 • 190 views
Filed under Blogs, The Parsnip

Bill Bury didn’t have a girlfriend this Valentines day. Instead of going out on a date, he stayed home, watched some Netflix and ate a box of chocolates he bought for himself. Does that make him a loser? Yes. Bill is part of the plague that has been wreaking havoc not just on Valentine's day,...

The student who ruined his future by not doing Chess Club

The student who ruined his future by not doing Chess Club

Will Drury, copy editor
February 13, 2017 • 412 views
Filed under Blogs, The Parsnip

*This blog is entirely satirical Being accepted into college has never been more challenging. Many students’ dreams of a higher education are never realized and they’re forced to spend the remainder of their meaningless lives working the night shift at McDonald’s until they die alone on the...

Eulogy for a friend

Eulogy for a friend

Will Drury, copy editor
February 9, 2017 • 203 views
Filed under Blogs, The Parsnip

He was supposed to make it. The odds were in his favor. All the laws of nature said it was possible. He was supposed to make it. But he didn’t. You can’t change the rules. They’re set. Once somebody is gone, they’re gone. Death isn’t a choice; it’s a command, and he was just following orders. ...

Not the final test

Not the final test

Jack Rintoul, opinions writer
December 16, 2016 • 568 views
Filed under Columns, Opinions, The Parsnip

*This is a piece of satire* With finals season upon us, I thought it would be a perfect time to reflect on the greatest resume builder for students: test taking. Every year about this time students are overjoyed to begin two weeks of constant reviewing and examination. Although winter break is less...

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