Verbatim: 2010-2011

August 18, 2010
Filed under Uncategorized

You should drop out. Everyone else should stay, though. — David Shapleigh, math teacher, answering the first-day-of-school question: “Should I drop out?”

In college, I’m gonna major in Party 101. — Caroline Bequette, senior, discussing her plans for the next year.

I have some scissors in my office if you want me to take care of that. — Mike Wade, freshman principal, admiring a freshman boy’s webbed toes.

If you find yourself in Persia, be careful. — Steve Jonak, math teacher, recounting the tale of a man beheaded in Persia for outwitting the king.

I want to be struck by lightning, a big old one. ‘Boom! What happened?’ Not one that just shakes your shoes off, but one that’s like BOOM! Vaporized! — Steve Jonak, math teacher, deciding how he wants to die.

Don’t Google ‘Steve Jonak + California State Penitentiary.’ Not that you’d get any results or anything, but… still… — Steve Jonak, math teacher, while Googling himself.

Hamsters. That would be the worst way to die. — Thomas Hickey, senior, discussing various methods of dying.

I am going to cut gills in your neck. — Ali Cavanaugh, senior, talking about how much Billy Fries, junior, swims.

Wait, those actually exist? — Daniel Berry, senior, trying, in AP Gov, to identify the political ideology of a Southern, white male who doesn’t go to church.

You’re going to give up one seventh of your life just because it happens to land on a space of time we’ve labeled Monday? — David Cannon, music teacher, when a student complained it was Monday.

I am going to spontaneously combust while being eaten by a velociraptor so my last moment can be spent killing a velociraptor with fire. — Hailey Mangelsdorf, sophomore, deciding how she would like to die

How can you tell if an ant is deranged? — Rachel Kibby, junior, learning about brain fungi

Jay, do you have a girlfriend? Yeah, didn’t think so. — Kelly Schnider, drama teacher, when talking about the new haircut of Jay Frick, senior

It’s a ME-6977 fan cart. The Cadillac of fan carts. — Joe Bartin, science teacher, proudly showing off his fan cart.

We should spell out ‘I-C-H-S’ this Friday. Just to make a statement. — Phil Cook, junior, roposing a change to the band’s halftime routine, during which it spells out “KHS.”

Back when I was a kid… Before the Civil War… — Steve Jonak, math teacher, going “back in the day.”

There were a bunch of guys… on a bunch of guys… doing something. — Eleonora Lekaviciute, foreign exchange student, describing American football.

There’s a humper behind me! — Tim Harig, history teacher, describing how his Tunisian wife mispronounces “Hummer” when describing the car.

It was my hood, man! Just kidding. Those kids rejected me, man. — June Bourque, biology teacher, describing her old job.

We were sad too because we were expecting apple pie for dessert. — Larry Anderson, German teacher, reflecting on the time his grandmother had a heart attack while out picking apples.

Come and eat my corn! — Jay Frick, senior, performing a skit in Drama I.

It looks like a box of Crayola crayons exploded on you. — Alex Guess, sophomore, commenting on a peer’s tie-dye shirt.

If you got bad karma, there’s not much I can do. — Amy Barker, English teacher, when a student’s pencil refused to sharpen.

You may call them ‘knowledge sheets’ or ‘wisdom sheets.’ But you may not call them ‘bull sheets.’ — Bob Teson, history teacher, assigning work sheets for homework.

Is it just me, or do these apples taste like cardboard? Don’t ask why I know that. — Amber Murdock, junior, commenting on cafeteria applesauce.

I kinda like being pregnant. — Kate Hunt, senior, discussing her Halloween costume

Is Canada in the U.S.? — Christine Hakenjos, junior, when both the Canadian and American flags were honored at the Blues’ game.

Hush, I want to hear Usher. — Amy Barker, English teacher, shushing the announcements when Usher was on the radio.

No. ‘This room smells like Kool-Aid’ is not the answer to the derivative. — David Shapleigh, math teacher, talking to a student who answered the question with an unrelated reaction to a smell in the room.

I’m caring for my young. I’m a marsupial. — Jack Vaterott, sophomore, asked why he had his hands in the front pockets of his britches.

What is pants? — Andrew Englund, freshman, trying once and for all to resolve the “leggings as pants” debate.

I love glittens. I have the option of being adorable or being a Pokemon trainer. — Nate Speidel, junior, showing off his glove-mitten hybrids.

Everything in politics is controversial, unless you’re passing a bill advocating National Puppy Week. — Bob Teson, history teacher, discussing cost and benefit in politics.

I could make something up, but you’re not a freshman and it’s not the early nineties. — Amy Barker, English teacher, about how she only lies to freshmen.

All I know is there are a bunch of cannibals on the boat and that is really stupid. — Amy Barker, English teacher, discussing the hiring practices in Heart of Darkness.

There is a big difference between being a man biological style and being a real man. — Amy Barker, English teacher, discussing the qualities of a real man.

Moral outrage is kind of my go-to emotion. — Amy Barker, English teacher, when asked about her feelings.

Bounce houses are like crack. — Jim Cibulka, science teacher, in a conversation about fun things we could have at school events, such as bounce houses.

Is this Jersey Shore? — Sean Campbell, junior, as Ghost Hunters: New Jersey returned from a commercial break.

I have no siblings. Except one. — Rosie Ruzicka, senior, when asked if she has any siblings.

Every year I carve turkey to the Star Wars theme song. — Adam Scimone, science teacher, asked how he spent his Thanksgiving break.

The Kardashians are famous for their butts, right? — Sean McCarthy, English teacher, attempting to comprehend how and why the Kardashians are famous among the younger generation.

Test 6 is a calculator test, so anyone who gets a derivative wrong will have their eyelids ripped off and stapled to their forehead. — Steve Jonak, math teacher, describing the upcoming AP Calculus final.

Are you comparing my hair to your improper gerund? — Amy Barker, English teacher, arguing with Thomas Hickey, senior, about his essay.

There could be dragons in Germany. We just don’t know. — Patrick Day, senior, discussing how the German word for “kite” is the same as the word for “dragon.”

We will not get sidetracked on gingers. — Nancy Menchhofer, English teacher, weighing in on the Prince Harry v. Prince William debate.

I know I was suppossed to be born in the 1800s as a cowboy or something because I put on this cowboy hat once and it looked great. — Randy Kriewall, math teacher, describing his childhood ambitions.

Life is depressing. — Karen Wentzel, English teacher, when a student asked if they were going to read yet another depressing book.

I feel like the prince in Cinderella. We are at the ball! — Patrick Jackson, orchestra teacher, describing the regal tone of a piece.

If there is nine feet of snow, you won’t get out of your house until the end of next week. That is if your roof doesn’t collapse and you die. — Greg Booth, math teacher/Keating Center manager, discussing the upcoming snow storm.

My greatest regret in life is that my first word was not ‘quote,’ so when I die my last word could be ‘unquote.’ — Michael Miller, senior, as his AP Lit class shared its biggest regrets.

Act as dumb as you can, but eager. Like a cocker spaniel. — Sean McCarthy, English teacher, describing how a student should read lines from Antigone.

Sierra says the president is fake. I believe there is a president. — Eric Brunngraber, senior, discussing the authenticity of the presidency in AP Gov.

I’m not the man. I’m the mini-man. There’s a bigger man behind me. — Bob Teson, history teacher, responding to an accusation that he is “The Man.”

This will keep you from getting prostate cancer. — Anthony Alvarez, Spanish teacher, handing out dried cranberries to the class.

Justin Bieber? Leave her alone. — Steve Jonak, math teacher, interjecting into a student side conversation.

If you are getting really fat, you should probably get your thyroid gland checked out. I should have gotten mine looked at a long time ago. — Linda Dubis, science teacher, Teaching her class about the endocrine system.

I am not a puppet. — Christine Lindquist, senior principal, On a walkie-talkie, after a group of students demanded to have her talk to them immediately.

I use static guard all the time. It keeps me from being static-ed. — Alison Lard, sophomore, Discussing how rarely she gets shocked.

I should make a workout video. — Catherine Kleiss, sophomore, As she danced to “Believe” by Cher.

Is that how they make fake babies? — Amelia Roberts, sophomore, On stem cells.

Paper weights are good for more than just memories; they teach you stuff. Did you guys know there was an Indian Ocean? — Jenna Visconti, sophomore, After a paper weight revelation.

I just got Smackin’d. — Thomas Bernard, senior, After Kelly Eschenroeder, senior class secretary, sent Mr. Mackin to track down single period absences and assign detentions.

Is two an even number? — Alison Lard, sophomore, doing her German homework.

We’d go rock climbing without any gear. You fall, you die? You’re not a man. — Bob Teson, history teacher, Discussing the possibility of an Empowering Men club.

Who needs drugs? — Kelly Schneider, drama teacher, As she ate a donut.

Imagine a drunken Union soldier filling out your FAFSA. — Amy Barker, English teacher, Discussing the origin of a character’s name.

Who would let a woman drive an elephant? — Sophia Benoit, senior, Commenting on a picture of Supreme Court Justices Antonin Scalia and Ruth Bader Ginsburg riding an elephant.

And you wonder why teachers drink. — Cindy Koehler, French teacher, after repeatedly correcting a student’s answer.

I thought they were drunk. Nope, they were zombies. — Anya Overmann, senior, discussing her eventful weekend in the Loop.

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