Class of 2028, it’s time for high school! Years of alarming stories, advice and anticipation have led up to this. As you’ve probably figured out by now, it won’t be like the dance-filled Disney Channel dreams you had as a child. A “stick to the status quo” cafeteria music number is pretty much out of the question. I know you probably feel like you’re stepping into uncharted territory, but luckily you have a guide. I like to think I’ve become extraordinarily wise and all-knowing after one year of high school, so here’s some advice to make your freshman year a little more bearable.

1: Hot and cold

When choosing your outfit each day, don’t worry about factoring in weather, because the state-of-the-art climate control at KHS creates the perfect environment for any attire. Never too hot, never too cold, but a perfect balance between the two. No layers are needed! The temperature is comfortable and consistent throughout the whole campus, so no matter what you wear, you won’t be drenched in sweat or shivering with goosebumps.

2: Locked in

Backpacks are unbearably heavy. There will always be things you have to have on hand, no matter how cluttered they make your bag. Instead of lugging around a massive load all day, get a locker! All the hallways in the school are wide enough for people to access their lockers without any trouble, and you’ll have plenty of time in between classes to swap out your supplies. Six minutes of passing time might not seem like a lot, but the campus is tiny and your locker location will make no difference because everything is close together. Say goodbye to chronic back pain and hello to a life of luxury!

3: Friendship is magic

Whatever you do, do not skip Homecoming (apologies, I meant the Friendship Dance). It will become a highlight of your year, maybe even of your life. The music is relevant, the venue is accommodating and the refreshments exist. Another positive: you get to meet and mingle with students from WGHS! You would think that a joint event with KHS’ rival school would be problematic, but the dance really will form unbreakable bonds and fulfill all expectations. Before and after parties are a total drag, so you should skip them to make the most of your night! You’ll have the time of your life at the actual dance.

4: Mirror images

Run out of time to do your makeup in the morning? Don’t fret! The commons bathroom is conveniently located by the Essex entrance and features wide counters and mirror space. Don’t feel bad about taking up a sink for fifteen minutes while meticulously applying a full face of foundation–no one minds getting marked tardy because they didn’t have room to wash their hands. Most importantly, always remember to post mirror pics to your story once you finish each morning! We’re all eager to see your newly perfected winged liner and sculpted brows day after day.

I’m sure you’ve gathered by now that you should translate my advice to its opposite while you read. You have to work for this information! In exchange, here is some rapid fire wisdom that you can take seriously. Take summer school PE, health and personal finance. Quizlet always has the answer. Swallow your pride and go to the PRIDE center. The FACS bathrooms are the newest and nicest, followed closely by the nearby science bathrooms. For the love of all things, don’t be the person who asks for a pencil every single day. Join a club or two, even if your friends aren’t doing the same. Find support wherever you can. High school is hard enough, you do not want to have to face it alone. With that, I bid the class of 2028 the best of luck. Strap yourselves in, because you’re in for a wild ride.