The Kirkwood Call

Why high school sucks

Why high school sucks

Brendan Davidson, parsnip editor

October 26, 2018


Filed under The Parsnip

They’re the most miserable years of your life: full of drama, annoying people and too much work that manages to teach you completely useless knowledge before you quickly forget it after the test. That’s right, I’m talking about high school. There are lots of reasons why it sucks. Let me discuss just...

Five ways to master your sadness

Five ways to master your sadness

Carter Philipp, opinions writer

October 12, 2018


Filed under The Parsnip

Happiness is entirely overrated. It is for people that don't have any of the stressful responsibilities that you have. So forget happiness. It will be way too hard to achieve. Instead, let’s focus on five ways you can actively maximize your misery. 1)Just don’t move, like at all. Stay inside as much as poss...

The future of Golden State

The future of Golden State

Daniel Kim, sports editor

September 4, 2018


Filed under Sports, The Parsnip

After the Golden State Warriors won the 2018 NBA Finals, DeMarcus Cousins, the four-time All-Star who is one of the best centers in the league, announced this summer that he will join the Warriors. Signing a one-year, five-million-dollar contract, Cousins will be taking a $11 million pay cut to join...

Sleep: a waste of time

Sleep: a waste of time

Brendan Davidson, sports writer

May 15, 2018


Filed under The Parsnip

As the school year draws to close, students are more stressed than ever with finals, AP tests and homework. We have minimal time to relearn much of the year’s content for each class. Loads of work exhaust students and ensure we suffer late into the night. Getting a healthy amount of sleep is more difficu...

Bit Bubble: My Dreams of Becoming a Crypto King

Bit Bubble: My Dreams of Becoming a Crypto King

Jack Bugee, parsnip editor

May 14, 2018


Filed under The Parsnip

On the brink of riches, or so I thought. From the first investment, I knew I would be on top of the world. Throwing money at the internet with an unclear way of how to take it out was a business venture I had to get behind. Being a savvy investor, I saw the overwhelming success of Bitcoin but chose to...

Drugs, child labor and soap

Drugs, child labor and soap

Will Drury, Parsnip editor

May 8, 2018


Filed under The Parsnip

*This story is entirely satirical. I decided to take random words from a generator and turn them into a story. These were the words and this is their story: Premise: soap scene Identity: marriage beard How: belt express Conflict: snake acid Resolution: child training **This story is b...

Why senior year is the worst

Why senior year is the worst

Abby Geisz, technical web editor

May 4, 2018


Filed under The Parsnip

*This piece is entirely satirical Senior year really is the worst of them all. With all the special privileges and events, it’s just too boring.   Fall: Let’s start with the very beginning of the year: the first day of school. Getting up early with the majority of your classmates and ...

The Environment Sucks and Why You Should be Killing It

The Environment Sucks and Why You Should be Killing It

Jack Bugee, opinions writer

April 25, 2018


Filed under The Parsnip

I’ve been meaning to get something off my chest for a while. Seeing everybody talking about saving the environment has started to really grind my gears. It’s insane how far some go to protect something so fleeting. Since the human race has been beating rocks together  we’ve been on a conquest to...

Oh the people you’ll owe!

Oh the people you’ll owe!

Will Drury, Parsnip editor

April 24, 2018


Filed under The Parsnip

Oh, the People You’ll Owe! Condolences... Tomorrow is the day. You’re off to a school, you’re going to pay. You have dust in your head and no money to spare. Your annual tuition makes you pull out your hair. You’re all alone. And you know nothing at all. And YOU are the guy who is lea...

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