The Kirkwood Call

The club has been shut down

The club has been shut down

Abby Geisz, copy editor

March 6, 2017


Filed under Entertainment, The Parsnip

I got the news on a Tuesday afternoon. My day was going well, and I had just gotten a drink from a water fountain and went back to my AP Lang class. I walked through the door and expected to see a class full of juniors quietly reading a book or writing an essay, but instead I was greeted with pure chaos. ...

Valentine’s Day victim

Valentine’s Day victim

Will Drury, copy editor

February 15, 2017


Filed under Blogs, The Parsnip

Bill Bury didn’t have a girlfriend this Valentines day. Instead of going out on a date, he stayed home, watched some Netflix and ate a box of chocolates he bought for himself. Does that make him a loser? Yes. Bill is part of the plague that has been wreaking havoc not just on Valentine's day,...

The student who ruined his future by not doing Chess Club

The student who ruined his future by not doing Chess Club

Will Drury, copy editor

February 13, 2017


Filed under Blogs, The Parsnip

*This blog is entirely satirical Being accepted into college has never been more challenging. Many students’ dreams of a higher education are never realized and they’re forced to spend the remainder of their meaningless lives working the night shift at McDonald’s until they die alone on the...

Eulogy for a friend

Eulogy for a friend

Will Drury, copy editor

February 9, 2017


Filed under Blogs, The Parsnip

He was supposed to make it. The odds were in his favor. All the laws of nature said it was possible. He was supposed to make it. But he didn’t. You can’t change the rules. They’re set. Once somebody is gone, they’re gone. Death isn’t a choice; it’s a command, and he was just following orders. ...

Not the final test

Not the final test

Jack Rintoul, opinions writer

December 16, 2016


Filed under Columns, Opinions, The Parsnip

*This is a piece of satire* With finals season upon us, I thought it would be a perfect time to reflect on the greatest resume builder for students: test taking. Every year about this time students are overjoyed to begin two weeks of constant reviewing and examination. Although winter break is less...

Hillary Clinton

Hillary Clinton

Will Drury, copy editor

November 9, 2016


Filed under Columns, Opinions, The Parsnip

*This blog is entirely satirical Hello everybody! What’s the haps’ tonight? Is everyone here doing okie dokie? Alrighty then! I would first like to thank TKC for the gracious opportunity to speak with you. It was a nice offer, it was a kind gesture, and I am very happy. I had a speech prepared...

Donald Trump

Donald Trump

Will Drury, copy editor

November 9, 2016


Filed under Blogs, Columns, Opinions, The Parsnip

*This piece is entirely satirical China. Mexico. ISIS. These three countries are beating us, and we’re losing. Crooked Hillary over here may try to tell you America’s all good, but it’s not. Believe me, it’s bad. It’s a yuuuge problem. And if we want to make it better, then we need to mak...

OCD nightmare part 2

OCD nightmare part 2

Will Drury, copy editor

September 28, 2016


Filed under Photo Galleries, The Parsnip

*This blog is entirely satirical We1come to he11 part two. 0h, I’m sorry, does it bother you that I’m using the number 1 instead of the 1etter “L”? 0r that the 1etter “O” at the beginning of these 1ast two sentences are really 0’s? We11 too bad. If you think that’s annoying, you mi...

Why I’m not voting this year

Why I’m not voting this year

Holden Foreman, web editor

September 15, 2016


Filed under Blogs, The Parsnip

*This blog is entirely satirical   KHS students aged 18 and older (by election day) registered to vote during homeroom last Thursday, Sep. 8, as the November election season looms around the corner. Voting, they say, is like selecting the shiniest of two turds. But this year, it feels lik...

OCD nightmare

OCD nightmare

Will Drury, opinions writer

March 8, 2016


Filed under Opinions, Photo Galleries, The Parsnip

*This blog is entirely satirical The blind man quickly swerved to avoid the the car and managəd to prevent an accident. You probably noticed it’s impossible for a blind man to drive a car or anticipate a crash without being able to see, but did you catch the extra the in the second line? Or the ...

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