The latest luxury item…

*This is a work of satire.

There is honestly nothing more luxurious than the week girls are on their period. I mean, between debilitating cramps, bloating, floods every time a sneeze escapes and the occasional puking, it’s basically a breeze. There’s no better way than a period to inform girls they’re not pregnant; it’s so refreshing.

State governments are smart enough to view it that way too. According to The Washington Post, women in California pay about $7 per month in taxes for 40 years of tampons and sanitary napkins which adds up to over $20 million annually in taxes from women in the state. I mean, I get it. Taxing women for their periods is a lucrative business.

For starters, pads and tampons usually cost, each, around $5-8 for tampons and $3-5 for pads. Of course that differs for every brand, but then include tax and–boom–state governments have a reliable source of revenue. It’s genius. Girls can’t actually bypass feminine hygiene products because, you know, who wants to bleed everywhere?

Recently there have been some whispers of an “anti-tampon tax” movement, which is pretty frightening, quite frankly. If we’re not careful, we’ll turn into Canada with their overt-friendliness and attractive politicians (have you seen Justin Trudeau?). Just this summer they got rid of their sales tax on tampons nationwide and the place has basically gone down the drain. And to think, all they did was choose to sell feminine hygiene products at an affordable rate. Madness, absolute madness.

Advocates of the abolition, according to CNN, argue that like groceries, a necessity of life (which most states exempt from tax), tampons are a necessity and therefore should be exempted as well. Even President Obama has been sucked into the feminist rhetoric. According to CNN, he was quoted last month saying, “I have no idea why states would tax these as luxury items. I suspect it’s because men were making the laws when these were passed.”

I don’t know about you, but I feel comfortable letting men decide whether or not a tampon is a luxury item. They definitely know what a period is like; they experience it every month right along with women.