Driving is bliss
Brendan Davidson, parsnip editor
March 17, 2019
Filed under The Parsnip
*This piece is entirely satirical Driving is supposedly a chore. I think driving is joyous. And it’s only getting better. More people are on the road, phones provide entertainment while we drive and cops enforce speed limits less because they finally understand they’re just suggestions. Driving ...
The evolution of the meme
Jack Matousek, features writer
February 11, 2019
Filed under The Parsnip
As I touched the cool screen of an iPad, feeling it for the first time, excitement coursed through my body as I had the power of the world at my fingertips. Look at all the power KSD let me think I have. With my newfound potential came Safari, and with Safari came the search bar, and within that sea...
Blocked websites
Quentin Stepp, copy editor
February 13, 2018
Filed under The Parsnip
*This piece is entirely satirical Ever since we first got the iPads back in the glory days of middle school, the semi-permeable membrane that is the Kirkwood firewall has protected us from harmful websites that may hinder our learning or expose our young minds to heinous things such as pornography, the...
The name game
Izzy Colón, copy editor
November 16, 2017
Filed under The Parsnip
*This piece is entirely satirical Brian is at the golf course. As he gets an afternoon to golf with the guys, a constant rush of names flows through his head; his wife is expecting a baby in a few months. The naming process is in full effect and in mid-swing of his golf club, it dawns on him. He wants...
Not the final test
Jack Rintoul, opinions writer
December 16, 2016
Filed under Columns, Opinions, The Parsnip
*This is a piece of satire* With finals season upon us, I thought it would be a perfect time to reflect on the greatest resume builder for students: test taking. Every year about this time students are overjoyed to begin two weeks of constant reviewing and examination. Although winter break is less...
Hillary Clinton
Will Drury, copy editor
November 9, 2016
Filed under Columns, Opinions, The Parsnip
*This blog is entirely satirical Hello everybody! What’s the haps’ tonight? Is everyone here doing okie dokie? Alrighty then! I would first like to thank TKC for the gracious opportunity to speak with you. It was a nice offer, it was a kind gesture, and I am very happy. I had a speech prepared...
Donald Trump
Will Drury, copy editor
November 9, 2016
Filed under Blogs, Columns, Opinions, The Parsnip
*This piece is entirely satirical China. Mexico. ISIS. These three countries are beating us, and we’re losing. Crooked Hillary over here may try to tell you America’s all good, but it’s not. Believe me, it’s bad. It’s a yuuuge problem. And if we want to make it better, then we need to mak...
OCD nightmare part 2
Will Drury, copy editor
September 28, 2016
Filed under Photo Galleries, The Parsnip
*This blog is entirely satirical We1come to he11 part two. 0h, I’m sorry, does it bother you that I’m using the number 1 instead of the 1etter “L”? 0r that the 1etter “O” at the beginning of these 1ast two sentences are really 0’s? We11 too bad. If you think that’s annoying, you mi...
Why I’m not voting this year
Holden Foreman, web editor
September 15, 2016
Filed under Blogs, The Parsnip
*This blog is entirely satirical KHS students aged 18 and older (by election day) registered to vote during homeroom last Thursday, Sep. 8, as the November election season looms around the corner. Voting, they say, is like selecting the shiniest of two turds. But this year, it feels lik...
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