“47 Meters Down: Uncaged” Review


Art by Celia Bergman

You will save $13 and an hour and a half of your time if you don’t go see this movie.

Grade: D-

You will save $13 and an hour and a half of your time if you don’t go see this movie. “47 Meters Down: Uncaged” was quite possibly the worst shark movie I’ve ever seen, and it has a lot of competition, considering “Sharknado” 1-6 exist. 

This disaster of a film begins with what feels like 20 minutes of opening credits where it attempts to list off every possible person involved in its creation. If that sounds boring, it honestly was one of the better parts of this film, but I’m confused why the creators want to receive credit—after all, this may be the last film they ever participate in.

So let’s begin with the writers. I already warned you that I might spoil the movie, but truthfully there’s nothing to spoil because if you’ve seen a shark movie before, there’s no need to watch “Uncaged.” The subject (sharks), the characters (four high school girls), the plot (sharks attack girls) … you’ve seen it. I half expect the writers to be middle school boys who thought, “Wow, girls swimming with sharks! What an idea!,” and then proceeded to throw together a script that a highschooler could have easily written. 

The film first introduces the “iconic” duo: step-sisters Sasha (Corinne Foxx) and Mia (Sophie Nélisse) who, *gasp,* don’t like each other. Their angst alone is enough to make you want to grab your popcorn and movie hop over to “The Lion King.” After their introduction, they, along with Sasha’s friends Nicole (Sistine Stallone) and Alexa (Brianne Tju), live out every VSCO girl’s dream by jumping in their Jeep Wrangler, blasting pop music and swimming in a remote lagoon. Their montage moment comes to an end when the girls decide to spice up their day by scuba diving in an underwater Mayan ruin that Mia’s dad conveniently found (what a plot!).

If you can’t keep track of the characters at this point, it’s alright—neither could I. The lack of character development was further hampered by the terrible acting and poor line delivery of virtually everyone in this movie (add a few more people to the unemployment list). Anyway, the girls make their way through the temple, and lo and behold—there’s a shark! Their journey is bombarded with awful visual effects as the girls swim through random tunnels while sharks pop out and bite them. The camera weaves clumsily through the water as characters and poorly CG-Ied sharks dart on and off-screen. Fortunately, at this point, the dialogue becomes limited and consists mostly of the girl’s randomly screaming each other’s names, as if trying, and failing, to remind the viewer which characters are there.

The ending is expected but not unwelcome. At this point I hoped a shark could eat me to put me out of my misery so any ending would have worked. This is no “Jaws,” and even no “Sharknado” (which at least embraced its idiocy). “Uncaged” tries and fails to be scary, tries and fails to be touching, but does not try to be original.

You’ve seen all this before. Trust me, you don’t want to see it again.