Wing Crosby’s eulogy

Ally Ortmann, features writer

*This piece is entirely satirical, well besides the tragic death of Wing Crosby

It seems we know the feeling of grief all too well at KHS. Yet again we have lost one of our own in the wake of the tragic and mysterious passing of our fellow classmate, Wing Crosby. Crosby was presumed dead after being found in the journalism building Sept. 11, 2017. Reports say Crosby was found by his KHS journalism peers early that morning.

“It is upsetting really,” Anna Retzlaff, sophomore, said. “I saw Wing lying there and I hoped he was just sleeping. Unfortunately, it seemed that the worst possible thing that could have happened, did.”

Crosby was seen primarily within SJ which allowed him to become friends with journalism students like Retzlaff. Retzlaff and Crosby became friends after bonding over their mutual distaste for windows and loud noises.

“Wing was skittish,” Retzlaff said. “Loud noises seemed to initiate the ‘fight or flight’ instinct in him. The little guy also seemed to have an issue of running into windows.”

Crosby was a beloved member of the Kirkwood community. Although he was small and quiet, Crosby stuck out amongst students due to his differences in appearance, skill and personality. Often praised for his incredible speed in the halls, Crosby was constantly getting recruited by KHS cross country runners though Crosby was not interested.

“Wing was faster than any of the boys on cross country,” Sam Bliss, sophomore, said. “I kept trying to get him to hang with us, but he seemed intimidated by our brotherhood. Wing was not willing to give up Saturdays for the boys, though he would have flown us to victory each time.”

Crosby was a neighbor to KHS English teacher, Sean McCarthy. McCarthy had described Crosby as being extremely quiet during each of their encounters.

“Wing wasn’t one to speak up,” McCarthy said. “I barely heard the boy ever make a peep, though he seemed to soar in school.”

McCarthy and the Crosby family have lived beside one another for roughly a decade. As a neighbor, McCarthy described the Crosby family as being kind and not bothersome.

“The Crosbys live back in the treeline, so I did not get to know them until more recently,” McCarthy said. “Once our cat-loving neighbor moved out they seemed to come out of the house a bit more, even stopped by for a block party I’d tried to make what the kids call ‘lit.’ There was Hacky Sack and everything!”

Crosby left KHS as a peer, student, neighbor and most importantly, a friend. Crosby, being a new student this school year, did not get to complete a year with his classmates, but nonetheless he left his orange, crusty “mark” on KHS (specifically the SJ computers).

Students distraught by this event are urged to talk to a counselor at KHS.

Wing Crosby
Mating Season 2000-September 11, 2017
May our feathered friend rest in peace.