Roses are red; violets are blue, I am alone, and so are you

Malcia Greene, features writer

*This piece is entirely satirical

Valentine’s Day? I don’t know her. I only know the darkness of my room as I wither away in isolation during the holiday season. But am I upset about this? Heavens no. There’s nothing more endearing than the boxed chocolate given by lovers as they argue about who loves who more. Listening to couples go on and on about the quirks they adore about one another truly warms my heart. Scrolling through Snapchats of my peers snuggling together as I finish the last season of Stranger Things alone in the comfort of my own bed makes me oh so happy.

Do I wish I had a special someone to send me a goodnight text after a long day or wake up to a cute message on my phone screen? Are you kidding? Why on earth would I ever want to block my screen with such nonsense when I could instead listen to the nonstop buzzing of my xylophone at 6 a.m.?

Now do not even get me started on how cute couples act around the month of February. As if getting stopped in the hallways by slow-walking couples holding hands every day isn’t good enough, I also get to see the same people shove their tongues down each others throats. A real sight indeed when I wander through the commons and see couples play fighting on top of each other. I mean, just when I thought high schoolers couldn’t get any cuter. Clearly, I was wrong.

And of course, I can never forget all of my friends telling me about their beloved boyfriends. Discussion regarding these individuals goes on for hours on end. Heck, I probably know them just as well as their girlfriends now. They ask me, “Malcia, is there anybody you have your eye on?” I merely laugh it off and respond with a simple, “Oh you guys, there’s nobody for me,” and I watch as they sit in discomfort. Once they half-smile and laugh along with me, I see the utter sympathy they have for me being alone these days.

I suppose my absolute favorite aspect of this beloved time are all of the posts on my feed from girls in their feels. Reading paragraphs and swiping through Flipagrams to Ed Sheeran’s tasteful music really gets me in the Valentine’s Day mood. I admit, I partake in this activity as well when I post my Chick-Fil-A platter shaped in a heart to my Snapchat story.

Among the Instagrams, I often visit the Valentine’s Day meme pages. Clearly, seeing the reoccuring meme of lonely Kermit the Frog makes me laugh. “We are just so relatable these days,” I realize. I also visit the Harry Potter memes too because I, “aDUMBLEDORE” those.

Personally, I tend to dread Walgreens making their chocolate half-priced on February 15th because it means only one thing: the season of romance has come to a close.