I peaked in middle school

Allie Hickenbotham, copy editor

art by Celia Bergman

*This piece is entirely satirical

When people hear the words “middle school” they cringe, gag and maybe even faint. However, I am not one of those people. Those were the best three years of my life. I dread driving to KHS every morning and wish I could hop off the bus at the glorious Nipher Middle School instead. So, to reminisce on these days, here are the top 10 things I miss most about middle school.

1. The trends
High Nike Elite socks with Sperry shoes, tucked in T-shirts (only in the front), feathers in hair, Nike Air Max shoes and side ponytails with bows. Ah, the glory days. These were the statements of my middle school years, the things that made us cool. If you didn’t wear one or more of these things, you may as well not have even shown your face around school.


2. Middle school dances
These were always something I looked forward to. The segregation of genders and the blasting of “Gangnam Style” or “#SELFIE” in the background was always a joy. There were also the few couples scattered about the gym who danced with each other standing 10 feet apart while still managing to hold hands. Oh, young love.


3. Braces
I honestly wish I still had my braces. A bonus with braces was headgear or rubber bands, but I was sad to discover that I did not need headgear. I cried for days, but at least I got rubber bands. It’s not like braces hurt my mouth when they moved my teeth or poked our gums; it really felt great. “Braceface” is a name we all despised, but personally, I miss it dearly.

4. When the iPads came
Screw our laptops, I miss iPads. I was beyond ecstatic the day I received mine in eighth grade. The WiFi worked so well on a consistent basis, and switching from paper to technology was something I was really happy about. I remember the day Nipher blocked the App Store so we would stop downloading games to play. We were bouncing off the walls with joy and we were so happy about not being able to play Flappy Bird anymore.


5. Downtown Kirkwood
The hub for Nipher middle schoolers was, as we called it, “DTK.” On half days and Fridays, we would wait at school for our parents to pick up our backpacks, then we all marched downtown in a tsunami of immature pre-teens. Pickleman’s, Racanelli’s and McDonald’s were the most popular places to eat until we got kicked out. Then, we would make our way over to “Police Park” next to the police station and have photoshoots or see how fast we could get the merry-go-round spinning without falling off. I miss the things we did before we could drive.

6. Cafeteria food
Forget off-campus lunch: middle school cafeteria food was the bomb. Stale pizza, cold chicken nuggets and soggy fries were to die for. Not to mention the rock-hard chocolate muffins and fat-free chips.


7. Middle school crushes
Whether it’s through Kik, commenting on their Instagram post or in real life, talking to your crush in middle school was always a breeze. None of my friends ever told boys when I had a crush on them because we were all loyal in middle school and didn’t want to embarrass our friends for fun. I was stellar at interacting with boys, so I was amazing at flirting and always had a million boys chasing me. Obviously.

8. Middle school sleepovers
The goal was to see who could stay up the longest, and naturally, we always succeeded at pulling all-nighters. Video Stars were a tradition on these late nights, or playing truth or dare and asking each other who our crushes were. Can’t forget the photoshoots in the basement or blind makeovers with our top notch drug store makeup while making prank calls to our entire list of contacts.


9. Presentations in class
Reading paragraphs inside of bullet points off slides with animated transitions, while also keeping the class entertained, was something we were extraordinary at. We also never failed at being funny (not awkward) and speaking without shaking or our prepubescent voices cracking.

10. Preparation for high school
Middle school was way more difficult than high school. The constant stresses of homework, grades, friends and the future were a weight on my shoulders those three years. High school has been a walk in the park. The ACT and my GPA? Oh please. Those are no stressers. Our grades don’t even count for our future, not like they did in middle school.