Love the sound of flushing? It’s time to throw some money down the toilet. It’s time for class rings.

Some might say it’s a waste of cash, but what’s more practical than a shiny piece of metal you’ll wear for a year before you rush off to college? I wouldn’t want to bring that ring with me. I mean, it’s cool to remember where you came from, but I got T-shirts from Nipher. I’m not really sporting those around the high school now.

My deep pockets are simply overflowing with cash to spare. Why invest in my college education, or put my money in a savings account? It just makes more sense to toss my babysitting cash away for a hunk of silver. I could have gotten the Extreme model, but $739.95 is just a little pricey. So I chose the much more reasonable Century Collection, which only cost me $236.95. I blow my nose in that kind of money.

Besides, who doesn’t want a piece of scrap metal to commemorate their years in high school? The awkward acne breakouts, the late nights of studying, the backstabbing and the gossiping; these are memories that require owning a ring in order to cherish them. Forget the photographs I took over the years with my friends. Forget the dozens of birthday cards on my bulletin board. Forget the friendships and memories I’ve had over the years, the people I’ll never forget even as we graduate and go separate ways. The best thing to take away from high school is a ring.

My initials are engraved on the cold, metal surface with a carving of my zodiac symbol and graduation year. You know, the stuff that’s really easy to forget. The stuff that I need to pay hundreds of dollars to remember.

Flush.