It’s Sunday, and I need Chick-Fil-A. The heated seats in my BMW don’t get warm until I’m halfway to my destination. I forgot I had recorded the Real Housewives of Orange County, so I wasted five minutes sitting through commercials. Even worse, when I realized it was a recording, the remote was all the way across the room.

Times are hard living in the United States. I’m sure a lot of people in poorer nations think we’re spoiled, but they might think differently once they experienced the tragedy of pouring a bowl of Frosted Flakes only to discover there is no milk. I mean sure, people in third world countries go days without eating a meal, and according to The Hunger Project, every five seconds, a child dies from hunger-related causes, but still. Dry cereal? No thank you.

And what about that awful moment at two a.m. when you have to make the decision about whether or not it’s worth it to get out of bed to go to the bathroom? Approximately 1.4 billion people live on less than $1.25 a day, so they probably never have to face such a dilemma. I’ll bet they don’t even have bathrooms. Or beds.

Quite often, these catastrophes cause me so much distress that I feel the need to tweet about them. Other countries accuse Americans of being coddled, whiny, self-centered and lazy, but that isn’t fair. They would complain too if their iPhone’s 3G service only worked in selective parts of their houses. I don’t understand why the rest of the world seems to despise us so much. Like, I’m sorry billions of people have to deal with corrupt governments, extreme poverty and violations of basic human rights, but frankly, I have my own problems to deal with: #firstworldproblems.