Mascot Matchup
Each mascot will be placed in a Roman Colosseum-style stadium where they will face off in a 1v1 battle against Pioneer Pete in order to see who the best mascot is. These mascots include: De Smet’s Spartan, Sparty; Marquette’s Mustang, Mookie; Eureka’s Wildcat; Ladue’s Ram and last and certainly least, Webster’s Statesman.
Pioneer Pete vs. Sparty Spartan (De Smet)
Pioneer Pete is lightyears ahead of Sparty. Why does a school in the middle of Missouri need to be represented by a Greek warrior? A spartan is known for its fierce, warlike appearance. Everyone knows that private school boys are far from that. While Sparty might’ve been effective during the Ancient Greek times, what is his armor and sword going to do against Pioneer Pete? With Pioneer Pete’s quick maneuvers, he is able to find a weak spot in Sparty’s armor to take him down.
Pioneer Pete vs. Mookie Mustang (Marquette)
Pioneer Pete has so much experience with mustangs from his westward expeditions. He doesn’t even need to fight Mookie; all he has to do is tame him and Mookie will be doing tricks under Pioneer Pete’s control. Prancing around the arena with Pioneer Pete on his back, it’s going to turn from a battle to an equestrian show. Mookie will lose all of his dignity once Pioneer Pete is done with him. It will be the biggest loss to Marquette’s mascot since they decided to copy and paste the Denver Broncos’ logo and change the colors.
Pioneer Pete vs. Ladue Ram
Pioneer Pete laughs at his next opponent. After taking down a mustang and a spartan, a ram won’t be much more than a new fur coat for Pete to wear in the winter. He makes such light work of the ram who can’t do anything but charge straight at Pioneer Pete. The ram runs at Pioneer Pete slowly, and Pete catches him and shears all his fur off. The ram runs and hides in embarrassment of his nakedness. Too bad he didn’t have a fancy sports car that most Ladue students pull up to school in. Pete is able to make this ram leave faster than any ram since the NFL team.
Pioneer Pete vs. Eureka Wildcat
Pioneer Pete makes more of a fool of the Eureka Wildcat than KHS’ football team did. Decked out in purple and gold, the supposedly fierce wildcat fights like a house cat. During the fight, Pete picks up the meowing wildcat and sends him en route to the school bus back to Eureka. Eureka would do well to send its tame mascot back to PetSmart.
Pioneer Pete vs. Webster Statesman
What is a Statesman? Pioneer Pete makes this the biggest slaughter since the past nine Turkey Days. The Statesman stands no chance against Pete’s fierce persona and helplessly runs in circles around the arena. Pioneer Pete’s laughter rings out as the Statesman begins shedding tears. In order to make the battle more even, Pete challenges the Statesman to a game of wit. But I think we all know which mascot wins based on which school they represent. Pioneer Pete wins by a million; it’s only a rivalry if they both win once in a while. This fight is a perfect representation of Webster: an absolute joke.
A Pioneer is the perfect mascot for a high school in “The Gateway to the West.” With early pioneers starting their journeys west from St. Louis, it makes sense to have Pete as our mascot and is the perfect heritage to our past, plus he’s pretty cool. Pioneer Pete is always seen in his raccoon skin hat, red bandana and fur outfit. He is the ideal mascot, and everyone knows it.
