Pumpkin decor is out in Target, and this can mean only one thing: summer’s really over. Bottles of Hawaiian Tropic begin to run dry, as the fake tan starts flying off the shelves. Your sunburn may fade, but the long nights spent at Hollywood Casino Amphitheater are forever burned into your memories. Chances are, like every summer, it’s over before it even begins. You’re left sitting in the too-cold classrooms of KHS, wondering what you even did for those three short months you had off. As someone who had the hottest of hot girl summers, here’s everything you need for summer of  ‘26 to ensure you have THE hot girl summer.

First off, to have a fun summer of any kind, DUMP YOUR UGLY BOYFRIEND!!!!!!!! Don’t get it twisted, doesn’t have to be a guy, boyfriend, girlfriend, situationship; whoever it is, they’re holding you back. Get off the phone with them while you’re out with friends, and enjoy the moment without playing therapist to a child in a 17-year-old’s body. Harsh, but true. If you’re reading this and are offended by my description of most 17 year old boys, sorry but you are the ugly boyfriend.

Now that we got rid of whiny Walter or controlling Chad, you can pull out that mini skirt from freshman year. There is nothing hotter than wearing whatever your heart desires, especially without the judgemental eyes of the school hallways following you. Turn the sidewalks into your own personal runway, and watch jaws drop as you strut by in your kitten heel flip flops. 

I’ll say it again and again, it really is critical you dump that ugly boyfriend. Now, you can go out and meet new people! Summer is the time for a no strings attached romance, not the old ball and chain. If he asks for your number, give it to him. Go on, talk to him; be your flirtiest self. Summer is not the time to sit in your room and dream of romance, so be spontaneous! After all, you can always just unfollow him on Insta at the end of the summer, and Snap talking stages are not forever. 

We can’t wear whatever we want if our closets are just full of sweatpants and sweatshirts, can we? My next piece of advice: absolutely blow through your savings account. Hear me out, before you raise an eyebrow. Summer is for spending, and I will die on this hill. I  know you have a job you hate, but spend a million hours at, so why not treat yourself with that extra cash? Hot girls spend every day shopping and don’t look at the damage until after they’ve bought a whole new wardrobe. 

June to August is the only time the UV will reach a 10 in the armpit we call the Midwest, so take advantage of it. If you are not going through at least two bottles of tanning oil this summer, then you’re doing it wrong. I suggest Hawaiian Tropic or Carotene gel for the most intense tan. Sunscreen? We don’t know her. If for some reason you don’t want to blister from the sun, Sun Bum tanning oil has SPF 15 :). 

Last but not least, protect your peace. If none of my tips sound hot to you, fine whatever, don’t follow them I guess… just kidding, but seriously, the hottest thing is doing what makes YOU happy, not some random girl with a lot of empty Hawaiian Tropic bottles. Your hottest self will reveal itself the second you are true to you, and do what you really love.

Now that you’ve lived the perfect hot girl summer, you obviously need to remember it. Get the digital camera that has been sitting in your Amazon cart for two years. Friendly reminder you are not an influencer and NO,  you do not need the Canon G7X, an $80 Kodak will do just fine. Or, if you’re like me and want a cuter one, head to Ebay and find your perfect vintage camera. My pink Sony circa 2007 is everything and more. 

Well, now you know. I’ve given you all my hot girl summer secrets, so use them wisely. Treat this article as your summer bible, and you never know, you might have your hottest summer yet.