A recent study on human genealogy proposed that we are all at the very least 50th cousins. Indeed, we are one human family comprised of many smaller immediate ones. Losing one another, especially those with whom we are very close is extraordinarily painful. As we are all connected by varying degrees, losing a loved one, a friend or even an acquaintance is like having the common fabric of our human community ripped, torn or snagged. We lose a part of ourselves when we lose someone we love, care about, or simply know.
Many of our losses go unknown to the larger community but they are just as significant and tragic as ones that are well known. The losses we suffered this summer, both publicized and unpublicized, have torn the comfortable drape we wrap around ourselves as Kirkwoodians. We have been exposed to the cold air of our mortal nature. We have been reminded of our finite lives, and we strain to hold on to that which we believe to be infinite; our love, hope and spirit.
Through this darkness, our community has held fast to light. We have refused to be dominated by the lingering sadness, however severe and persistent. We have stood tall against this heavy cloud for the very reasons that we so dearly miss our friends, children, brothers, sisters and parents who have died. We stand tall because our loved ones stood for love, hope and spirit. They reminded us throughout their time on earth that life is for living, for loving, for laughing, working and playing. We miss them because they brought us such joy and connection. They shared their beautiful souls with us. They shared their pain, their pleasure and their precious time. If we failed to live up to their creed and precedent we would dishonor them. Rather, we are compelled to honor their lives, despite our grief, our pain, our anger and the senseless shame that comes from being left behind.
We carry on because we know that is what they would have insisted we do. Arm in arm we will pull ourselves through these jagged waters of emotion. We will sing with our beloved ones, here and gone, from the deepest parts of our being. We will work with a newfound fervor to capture the vital essence of every moment with our loved ones, here and gone, at our side. We will play like carefree children with a splendor that lifts the spirit of humankind. We will emerge as one Kirkwood family, stronger, nobler, better.
This will be no small task. Like any big task, we must tackle it with a series of small ones. Here are some simple, researched and proven ways to turn a negative tide into a positive one, and to accelerate healing.
- When five to 10 feet away from someone you encounter, whether you know the person or not, smile. Most of the time, the other person will smile back. Smiles release natural feel-good chemicals that improve mood. Plus it makes for a brighter, happier world.
- Take time each day to recount at least three things for which you are genuinely grateful. Not just general things like friends or family, but more specific things like someone offering you a chair, or the smile that someone you had never met before just gave you.
- Remember: You are what you repeatedly do and think. Studies show faking it until you make it is an effective way to improve yourself and your state of being. Think positively even if it’s terribly hard to do so.
- Stay connected. Friends and family are so important, but there are numerous professional supports that can provide you the help you need, too. Talk to your counselors, teachers, principals and pastors for guidance. They care about you more than you may think.
- You are what you eat and how you sleep. Remember that our diet and sleep levels affect our thinking and mood. Healthy foods with high degrees of life force like raw fruits and vegetables and at least 7-9 hours of sleep can change your entire outlook on life.
To get good at anything requires practice. We shall heal and overcome our loss by regaining the spirit of our fallen loved ones, and by infusing our lives with the very will that carried them through theirs.
