Yes

What do soccer star David Beckham, Olympic gold medalist Michael Phelps and actor David Hasselhoff have in common? They are all celebrities with the courage (and the bodies) to take on and rock the Speedo.

And why wouldn’t they choose to? It’s young, it’s fresh and it’s one of many reasons Europe is laughing at us. With the knee-length swimsuits our country’s men are hiding behind, we might as well be back in prairie times. But with the Speedo, women swoon, men gaze with jealousy and peace reigns throughout the world at the sight of a chiseled, evenly-tanned body roaming the beach, scoping out a nice area to catch not only a few rays of sun, but the eyes of everyone within 50 feet.

Need I mention the fashion aspect? Giorgio Armani, 76-year-old world-renowned fashion designer, is often spotted throughout the globe sporting this barely-there suit. And Giorgio knows fashion. In 2010, he designed a Grammys gown for Gaga that left us all a bit gaga, a dress that Newsweek called a “hoop-skirted, crystal-studded extravaganza.” While this outfit may be one-of-a-kind, Armani’s blindingly white Speedo brings a bit of fashion to any overly-bronzed-and-probably-steroid-using man.

How can we expect to stay a world power if our men are too shy to take off the towel and show the rippling leg muscles of democracy? So I say embrace aerodynamics and reject prudeness. If “the Hoff” can do it, we all can.

No

I’m going to come out and say it: I’m comfortable with my body.

I’m pasty and proud of it. I have clear-cut, rock-hard abs, but they’re currently in hiding. I’m gangly and awkward and perfectly fine with it.

However, there is a complete difference between being comfortable with your body and wearing a Speedo.

Why does any man have to feel self-righteous enough to wear a Speedo? It’s one thing for a guy to be fine with his appearance, but anyone who wears a Speedo must really feel the need to flaunt himself and show off his thighs.

Nature could not have intended for men to wear Speedos, as we all were fortunate enough to learn in fourth grade health class. Speedos come way too close to showing a disgusting amount of skin.

For comparison’s sake, imagine a man wearing tight, black underwear. Now imagine a man next to him wearing a Speedo, and they will be identical.

On second thought, please don’t imagine that.

Normal swimsuits are completely comfortable. Normal swimsuits don’t make people feel really embarrassed and really awkward. Why does anyone feel the need to ruin everyone’s public pool time by going practically naked? No one needs to experience that, and when I think of Speedos, the phrase “scarred for life” comes to mind.

What? You think I’m jealous of men that have the bodies to wear Speedos and that I’m just bitter because I don’t.

Well, you are absolutely correct.