Hipsters and you: how to spot one and what to do

Over the past few years, a new group of trendsetters have appeared. They emerge from record stores donning thick, non-prescription glasses, worn corduroys, their grandma’s cardigan and messenger bags full of vinyl records from bands you’ve never heard of. They are hipsters, and they’re out to prove how much better they are than you.

Hipsters avoid labels as well as being labeled. They hold very high standards in all aspects of music, fashion, politics, food and literature, and will not hesitate to call you out for listening to Coldplay or eating non-organic chicken. They travel in highly selective groups, generally regulated by amount of facial hair.

Clean-shaven hipsters typically dress well, listen to avant-garde electronic music and own at least one pair of Ray Ban Wayfarer sunglasses. The next group of hipsters is slightly more rogue, with unkempt hair and enough stubble to sand your shop class birdhouse. Two “No-shave Novembers” later and the final majority of hipsters is born, many of whom could be confused with Zach Galifianakis. They can be found at Iron & Wine concerts, and typically dress in flannel shirts and corduroy pants. While most hipsters will refuse to let you into their exclusive groups, the full-bearded type requires little more than a love for badly recorded folk music.

Hipsters have a very nutritious diet, and shop at organic supermarkets such as Whole Foods and Trader Joe’s. When having a hipster over for dinner, never ever let them know if non-organic food was used- they will proceed to explain in great depth the horrors of dairy processing plants and how joining PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) changed their lives. To stay on the safe side, present them with a bag of dry oats and non-branded milk.

Hipsters prefer a habitat where they can be immersed in some kind of art form. Record stores, art galleries and coffee shops are most likely to attract all types of hipsters. Since many non-hipsters also congregate at these locations, you must be ready to interact with hipsters confidently. Come prepared to discuss NPR, foreign films, and various types of tea. Also, don’t forget to mention how cool you think vintage fashions are. (Author’s note: An American Apparel employee has recently informed me that “deck” is now the correct term, as “cool” just isn’t trendy enough.)

Armed with this valuable information, you should be more than confident about your social skills when faced with a hipster. Show respect, be prepared and never let them know that the sweater they’re wearing is the same one you got for your grandmother last Christmas.

How hipster is Kirkwood? Take this quiz.

Hipsters and you: how to spot one and what to do