“Mom, I want to go to heaven.” 

I hadn’t eaten a sustainable meal for a week. Some sort of darkness was taking over my body, creating thoughts I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. “Please don’t say that,” she wailed while holding me tight. It was the truth, and I was numb to it. I had been told to look ahead in life, and when there was nothing to look forward to, I assumed it was the end. I wish I had learned to live everyday like it was my last. I wish I didn’t spend my nights praying for God to take me into his arms, where I heard that everyone was happy. After all, I was only 9 years old. 

In elementary school, my teachers told me to get through second grade so I’d be ready for third. The phrase “get through the school week to get to the weekend” was engraved in my tiny brain. Get through middle school to get to high school. “High school is much more fun than middle school.” Get through high school to get to college. Everybody knows that college is better, right?

It’s always one event after the next: once you get through this, then that will be better. Nothing ever actually gets better, and my younger self was feeling that big time. We are constantly looking to the future to keep us content with today, forgetting that we only have the present. I know you’ve heard the “live everyday like it’s your last” expression a million times. But think about it: no day is actually guaranteed. 

Imagine spending your whole life looking for happiness in the future. Your motive to keep going relies solely on a hypothetical that you wish to achieve. Now, imagine waking up on your deathbed, while the doctor explains that you have two hours left to live. Imagine laying on the side of a road covered in glass from your totaled car, while you think about everything you wanted to do. You’ve spent all of  your time focusing on a moment that will never happen. What a waste of life. 

Although I’m only 16 years old, I’ve learned a little something about happiness. Let me tell you, it doesn’t come from Prozac. I’m no physiatrist or superhero, but I’ve realized having a good mindset is key to creating positivity within. As I look back on the rough patches of my life, I find that no one told me to “live for today.” I was so focused on what the future held, that I forgot what was happening right in front of me. 

Through years of inner development, I have realized that focusing my time on the now will forever be the best way to sustain life. Since my discovery, I have worked on managing my time and getting the most I can out of each day. To this day, I write out the things that make me happy in old school notebooks. I write out my dreams and where I want to be one day, as well as how I’m going to get there. I spend time constructing my dreams a little bit everyday. Watching the progress within my goals and my mental health make it all worth it. 

I am creating my own happiness right in front of me. Everybody has dreams they desire to achieve. We can wish upon a star all we want, but magic stars don’t exist. Creating true satisfaction is done by turning those dreams into a reality. 

I wish I could’ve told my younger self that she shouldn’t wish all of her days away. Although she was going through a rough time, it wouldn’t last forever. All she needed was a mentality makeover to lift her spirits. I wish she understood that she had full control of her happiness. I wish she realized that although everyone is happy in heaven, she has plenty of time before she gets there. God gave her the gift of life, and that was all she needed.

Age of adulthood

Written in the stars

"Man" made uniforms