The Kirkwood Call

Sleep: a waste of time

Sleep: a waste of time

Brendan Davidson, sports writer

May 15, 2018


Filed under The Parsnip

As the school year draws to close, students are more stressed than ever with finals, AP tests and homework. We have minimal time to relearn much of the year’s content for each class. Loads of work exhaust students and ensure we suffer late into the night. Getting a healthy amount of sleep is more difficu...

Bit Bubble: My Dreams of Becoming a Crypto King

Bit Bubble: My Dreams of Becoming a Crypto King

Jack Bugee, parsnip editor

May 14, 2018


Filed under The Parsnip

On the brink of riches, or so I thought. From the first investment, I knew I would be on top of the world. Throwing money at the internet with an unclear way of how to take it out was a business venture I had to get behind. Being a savvy investor, I saw the overwhelming success of Bitcoin but chose to...

Drugs, child labor and soap

Drugs, child labor and soap

Will Drury, Parsnip editor

May 8, 2018


Filed under The Parsnip

*This story is entirely satirical. I decided to take random words from a generator and turn them into a story. These were the words and this is their story: Premise: soap scene Identity: marriage beard How: belt express Conflict: snake acid Resolution: child training **This story is b...

Why senior year is the worst

Why senior year is the worst

Abby Geisz, technical web editor

May 4, 2018


Filed under The Parsnip, Top Stories

*This piece is entirely satirical Senior year really is the worst of them all. With all the special privileges and events, it’s just too boring.   Fall: Let’s start with the very beginning of the year: the first day of school. Getting up early with the majority of your classmates and ...

The Environment Sucks and Why You Should be Killing It

The Environment Sucks and Why You Should be Killing It

Jack Bugee, opinions writer

April 25, 2018


Filed under The Parsnip

I’ve been meaning to get something off my chest for a while. Seeing everybody talking about saving the environment has started to really grind my gears. It’s insane how far some go to protect something so fleeting. Since the human race has been beating rocks together  we’ve been on a conquest to...

Oh the people you’ll owe!

Oh the people you’ll owe!

Will Drury, Parsnip editor

April 24, 2018


Filed under The Parsnip

Oh, the People You’ll Owe! Condolences... Tomorrow is the day. You’re off to a school, you’re going to pay. You have dust in your head and no money to spare. Your annual tuition makes you pull out your hair. You’re all alone. And you know nothing at all. And YOU are the guy who is lea...

The sadness of spring

The sadness of spring

Brendan Davidson, sports writer

March 2, 2018


Filed under The Parsnip

*This piece is entirely satirical I take a look outside. The snow is melting, the flowers are blooming and the weather is finally warming up. Disgusting. Spring is supposed to be a time of growth; a time of new life. Well, the emergence of spring certainly cannot warm my frozen heart. I wish wint...

I peaked in middle school

I peaked in middle school

Allie Hickenbotham, copy editor

February 28, 2018


Filed under The Parsnip

art by Celia Bergman *This piece is entirely satirical When people hear the words “middle school” they cringe, gag and maybe even faint. However, I am not one of those people. Those were the best three years of my life. I dread driving to KHS every morning and wish I could hop off the bus at the gl...

Unblocked games

Unblocked games

Quentin Stepp, copy editor

February 21, 2018


Filed under The Parsnip

*This piece is entirely satirical   If your name is Eric Zigler, stop reading now. This does not concern you.   Nobody really wants to pay attention in class. Lessons haven’t been interesting since elementary school and you can just Google all the answers anyways. Thankfully, you don...

Blocked websites

Blocked websites

Quentin Stepp, copy editor

February 13, 2018


Filed under The Parsnip

*This piece is entirely satirical Ever since we first got the iPads back in the glory days of middle school, the semi-permeable membrane that is the Kirkwood firewall has protected us from harmful websites that may hinder our learning or expose our young minds to heinous things such as pornography, the...

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