The Kirkwood Call

From the Vault: KHS should prepare for aliens

Obviously, the government is not doing a thorough job in preparing the public for the shock that aliens do exist.

Celia Bergman, archives editor

February 12, 2020

Original story by Lucas McCue appeared in The Call, April 19, 1990. This piece is entirely satirical. Because I decided to give up reading real literature for Lent, my only outlet for my urge to read are those grocery store check-out line tabloids. I picked up a recent issue and after skimming th...

Work it out

With many visits to the gym and rounds of crunches, I’m finally going to achieve an eight-pack. Accomplishing this goal will be simple considering how welcoming and cozy the gym is.

Grace Fearheiley, health + wellness editor

February 7, 2020

*This piece is entirely satirical This year I worked hard to craft the perfect New Year’s resolution. With many visits to the gym and rounds of crunches, I’m finally going to achieve an eight-pack. Accomplishing this goal will be simple considering how welcoming and cozy the gym is. Honestly, I don’t know why anyone would struggl...

iSpy: Stalking made easy

Freedom – isn’t that what every teen wants? In our current technologically-advanced society, it’s simple, especially with Life360! 

Maddie Meyers, editor-in-chief

October 4, 2019

Freedom – isn’t that what every teen wants? In our current technologically-advanced society, it’s simple, especially with Life360!  Life360 is an app which allows parents to track their kids 24/7 and receive notifications whenever their kid arrives somewhere or if their phone is dying. It even repo...

How to actually find your soulmate

How to actually find your soulmate

Maisie Bradley, PR Editor

April 25, 2019

*This piece is entirely satirical With the surge of homecoming proposal posters behind us, it’s easy to feel yourself get discouraged of ever finding true love, especially since we all know how perfect each one of those relationships has been for our peers. As far as I’m concerned, one of those poster...

You’ve got a (really good) friend in me

Art by Maggie Burton

Malcia Greene, entertainment editor

April 22, 2019

*This piece is entirely satirical. “We need to talk.” Four of the most terrifying words a high schooler can hear. Why? It stems from fear. Fear of confrontation and fear of the unknown. But even worse—fear of one godforsaken alternative: the friend zone. There, there, my fellow peers, I...

Driving is bliss

This guy perfectly exemplifies the modern driver: safe, attentive and content.

Brendan Davidson, parsnip editor

March 17, 2019

*This piece is entirely satirical Driving is supposedly a chore. I think driving is joyous. And it’s only getting better. More people are on the road, phones provide entertainment while we drive and cops enforce speed limits less because they finally understand they’re just suggestions. Driving ...

Swiper, no swiping

I’ll keep the endless reasons to join Tinder brief to give you more time to craft your master profile and get swiping.

Brendan Davidson, parsnip editor

March 14, 2019

*this piece is entirely satirical Tinder is the most infamous dating app out there. People attack it day and night, but as a proud supporter of Tinder and its innovative ideas, I can’t listen to these halfwits anymore. I’ll keep the endless reasons to join Tinder brief to give you more time to...

Free the rappers

Brendan Davidson, parsnip editor

February 25, 2019

*this piece is entirely satirical Many public figures commit crimes. Everybody knows that. Prosecutors are on some gas because they crack down on celebrities, rappers, in particular, so they can go back to sitting on their hands. Y’all gotta chill out. Instead of trying to set an example that coul...

The evolution of the meme

Memes reach millions each day making peoples days brighter by the laughter they bring.

Jack Matousek, features writer

February 11, 2019

As I touched the cool screen of an iPad, feeling it for the first time, excitement coursed through my body as I had the power of the world at my fingertips. Look at all the power the Kirkwood Sschool District let me think I have. With my newfound potential came Safari, and with Safari came the search...

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