Kirkwood High School student newspaper

The Kirkwood Call

Kirkwood High School student newspaper

The Kirkwood Call

Kirkwood High School student newspaper

The Kirkwood Call

The two of you have been fighting constantly and you’re considering breaking up. In the heat of the moment, one of you yells, “I think we should take a break.”

Pause — I think we need to take a break

Lila Shepard, managing editor February 16, 2023

*This is entirely satirical Your relationship has hit an extreme low. The two of you have been fighting constantly and you’re considering breaking up, even though you were convinced they might be...

Go on, keep on scrolling, who needs sleep when you can be on your phone?

Breaking limits

Khadija Khan, copy editor February 15, 2023

*This piece is entirely satirical Just one more minute, you silently think to yourself as you press the Ignore Limit button for what is probably the hundredth time. It’s 2 a.m. and you have to wake...

Dont have plans for Valentines Day? Keep reading and figure out what you should do based on the type of relationship youre in.

Your Valentine’s Day date based on your relationship

Sim Khanuja, editor-in-chief February 10, 2023

The “First Date” Couple  Nothing is more nerve-racking than a first date: sweaty hands, hair fiddling, shaky voice. I advise going to your nearest ice cream shop and grabbing a cone together. It’s...

By Christmas, seniors may not have even applied to college yet. Some may still be waiting on their acceptance letters, or have been accepted but need to decide which school will get their $100 enrollment fee.

In the holiday hot seat

Lila Shepard, managing editor December 6, 2022

*This piece is entirely satirical When the bell rings at the end of the day and school lets out for winter break, dreams of sugarplums, Christmas lights and binge-watching Netflix dance in students’...

Students are going through mobile screen withdrawal. They’re stretching their arms, nearly dislocating their shoulders, attempting to get service.

The better connection

Lila Shepard, managing editor October 5, 2022

*This piece is entirely satirical. Students all around KHS are developing the symptoms — bouncing knees, pale faces, worried expressions and a wandering mind. They are clinging to the windows and...

We all know caffeine is “technically” a drug and most people are probably “addicted” to it, but it’s socially accepted, so how bad could it be?

Cracked on caffeine

Nathan Sweeney, features + in-depth editor March 6, 2022

*This piece is entirely satirical. Nothing has more power over me than caffeine. My name is Nathan, but a Starbucks employee could misspell my name as “Nksjdlqo” and spit in my drink, and I would...

Back to school also means back to awkward group projects.

How to be social in high school

Kailey Shirrell, social media editor August 25, 2021

*This piece is entirely satirical  Dear freshmen, sophomores and juniors: as you are all still mentally freshman (due to COVID-19 complications), I feel it is my duty, like Janis Ian from Mean Girls,...

Homework sucks. I know it, you know it. Its time for a change.

Homework sucks, and I’m done doing it

Nathan Sweeney, features writer March 22, 2021

*This piece is entirely satirical.   Teachers, let’s cut right to the chase. I don’t like homework. You don’t like grading. So why does homework still exist? I’m no expert on the high...

‘The Simpsons’: Coincidences predictions?

‘The Simpsons’: Coincidences predictions?

Emma Patt, entertainment writer June 11, 2020

You may know that ‘The Simpsons’ is a cult-classic cartoon that has been producing content since 1989, but what you might not know is that the lovable family from Springfield is involved in an extensive,...

Post-Christmas winter is boring, dreary and stressful. Heres a guide to get you through it.

Winter Survival Guide

Megan Glasgow, features writer January 19, 2020

*This story is entirely satirical. Now that the excitement of the winter holidays is wearing off, the harshest months of the year have finally arrived. January: the month of sickness, stress and slipping...

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