‘The Simpsons’: Coincidences predictions?
Emma Patt, entertainment writer
June 11, 2020
You may know that ‘The Simpsons’ is a cult-classic cartoon that has been producing content since 1989, but what you might not know is that the lovable family from Springfield is involved in an extensive, convoluted conspiracy: ‘The Simpsons’ may be predicting the future. Ok, I get it. My...
Work it out
Grace Fearheiley, health + wellness editor
February 7, 2020
*This piece is entirely satirical This year I worked hard to craft the perfect New Year’s resolution. With many visits to the gym and rounds of crunches, I’m finally going to achieve an eight-pack. Accomplishing this goal will be simple considering how welcoming and cozy the gym is. Honestly, I don’t know why anyone would struggl...
Winter Survival Guide
Megan Glasgow, features writer
January 19, 2020
*This story is entirely satirical. Now that the excitement of the winter holidays is wearing off, the harshest months of the year have finally arrived. January: the month of sickness, stress and slipping on ice. The only thing making winter bearable are snow days, and those are falling fewer and ...
How to actually find your soulmate
Maisie Bradley, PR Editor
April 25, 2019
*This piece is entirely satirical With the surge of homecoming proposal posters behind us, it’s easy to feel yourself get discouraged of ever finding true love, especially since we all know how perfect each one of those relationships has been for our peers. As far as I’m concerned, one of those poster...
You’ve got a (really good) friend in me
Malcia Greene, entertainment editor
April 22, 2019
*This piece is entirely satirical. “We need to talk.” Four of the most terrifying words a high schooler can hear. Why? It stems from fear. Fear of confrontation and fear of the unknown. But even worse—fear of one godforsaken alternative: the friend zone. There, there, my fellow peers, I...
I peaked in middle school
Allie Hickenbotham, copy editor
February 28, 2018
art by Celia Bergman *This piece is entirely satirical When people hear the words “middle school” they cringe, gag and maybe even faint. However, I am not one of those people. Those were the best three years of my life. I dread driving to KHS every morning and wish I could hop off the bus at the gl...
Lefties are always right
Hannah Cohen, editor-in-chief
November 28, 2017
*This piece is entirely satirical There’s truly nothing better than being left-handed. If you’ve never had the ever-thrilling experience of complete left-side dominance then you have no room to make assumptions. I could not begin to tell you how amazing we are treated in the school environment. ...
Why swimming isn’t a sport
Allie Hickenbotham, copy editor
November 17, 2017
*This piece is entirely satirical If I have to hear about how the Walker family donated a pool to KHS one more time, I swear I’m transferring to Webster. I don’t understand why the swim team needed a new pool anyway. Swimming isn’t even a sport. “Anyone can swim,” Bridget Heartlein, sen...
The sounds of TKC – ASMR
Fitz Cain and Naomi Thompson
November 13, 2017
ASMR (Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response) is a popular internet trend with the purpose of invoking a satisfactory or relaxing tingling sensation on the skin. Social media influencers and YouTubers create ASMR videos doing everything from eating noodles to scratching their beards, all captured by a high ...
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