How to be social in high school

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Laurel Seidensticker

Back to school also means back to awkward group projects.

*This piece is entirely satirical 

Dear freshmen, sophomores and juniors: as you are all still mentally freshman (due to COVID-19 complications), I feel it is my duty, like Janis Ian from Mean Girls, to give you the perfect map on how to best navigate the social jungle that is high school. There are several different interactions that all high school students must overcome, including group projects, lunchtime talks, football games, sports and clubs. In this guide, I will cover them all.

First, the dreaded group project. At one point or another, you will have to tackle this horrendous obstacle. Group projects give you a chance to talk to people you would normally never associate with, so remember, everything you say counts. Your project partner who you may never see again will only ever view you as the person they did a history project with. Do you want to go down in their memory as someone who wrote down incorrect information, or worse, used comic sans? So, as you talk to your group members and try to create the project, just keep in mind that anything you say or do will affect how you are eternally perceived. No pressure.

Who should I sit with at lunch? A foreboding question, especially for incoming freshmen. Maybe you don’t have friends in your lunch period or you’re completely new to KSD. No worries, lunchtime is easy. Remember, the first day of school is the only chance you will ever get to define your high school friend group, because contrary to popular belief, your friends will only ever consist of your lunch table. After the first day, lunch groups are set forever so choose wisely. It doesn’t even matter if you know the people you are sitting with, just choose a group and pretend you’re already friends. Who cares if they know you, or if they are even good people? It doesn’t matter, because they will eventually get to know you. This is the ideal way to socialize.

While many parents, teachers or even seniors like to advocate that you should ‘join clubs and sports,’ ‘get involved’ or ‘be an active member of your community,’ they are all lying to you.”

Football games are a staple of everyone’s high school career. Keep in mind that the following information is not for anyone who does band, cheer or poms — you guys already have designated football friends. For everyone else, the most important thing is your outfit. If you aren’t going above and beyond for every single football game, what are you even doing? But most importantly, DO NOT, under any circumstances, leave your designated bench. Don’t be the annoying freshman that walks around chatting with people outside of their seating area. It’s honestly embarrassing. Can you even imagine? You are at the game to watch football, not to walk around socializing. Everyone knows that. 

‘You should join clubs and sports;’ the perfect lie. While many parents, teachers or even seniors like to advocate that you should ‘join clubs and sports,’ ‘get involved’ or ‘be an active member of your community,’ they are all lying to you. Now on the surface level, you might think joining a club of people with common interests is a good way to make friends. Sure, you can make a few new friends, but what do you give up in the process? Your individuality. Why would you join KHS’s Anime Club to be surrounded by people exactly like you? Being around them would just make you seem basic by comparison. So really, who even wants friends, when you can be unique and different?

Talking to people is a difficult task –  it isn’t for the weak of heart. But with a lot of luck and courage, you might just find people who you legitimately want to talk to. The best way to have a social life in high school is to actually be social — shocking, I know. So take a deep breath, and remember that everyone is just as nervous as you are. Always make sure to follow this guide, because if you do, nothing can go wrong.